I Told Ya So
I was thinking today about a certain aspect of many people’s personalities that I find very bothersome. It’s the tendency many (most?) people have to root for others to fail. I think the reason they do this is pretty obvious: they have little or no belief in themselves and so when others fail it’s comforting to them. It confirms for them that they are correct in never taking any chances or never believing in themselves. After all, if they do, they’ll probably turn out like one of the failures they’ve observed so better play it safe and stay on the sidelines.
Let me give an example of the attitude I’m talking about. Gambling provides so many perfect opportunities to observe others on the sidelines waiting to say “I told ya so!” when you try and fail. When I bet a substantial amount of money on McCain to win the election, I made no secret of this. Anyone who knew me knew that I had a sizable position riding on the election outcome. Of all of these people, two or maybe three of them told me plainly, “I think this is a dumb bet. I hope you win, but I don’t think you will.” Everyone else? Not a peep, which is fine.
But that wasn’t what bothered me. What bothered me was what people did after the election. I heard it from a handful of people: “oh that was a dumb bet! Why did you do that?” Well, no shit it was a dumb bet. Any bet that you already know lost is going to seem like a pretty dumb bet. I didn’t need you to tell me that.
On the other side of the coin, people, usually the same ones who did the results-oriented second-guessing of your ill-fated ventures, seem all too willing to get in line for their cut of the pie when things go your way. Any successful poker player knows for sure what I’m talking about. What happens when you hit a nice score? Everyone is pretty happy for you and there’s always one or two of them that drop hints to suggest you share your winnings be it directly or via expectations to pay for their shit when you’re out with them. Sound about right?
Well for whatever reason, I woke up today feeling frustrated about this behavior trait that some people have. They’ve essentially positioned themselves on a life freeroll where they never have to feel the sting of taking a risk and failing. To each their own, I suppose, but it’s frustrating when you have to put up with others trying to enjoy in your successes while not exposing themselves to any downside when you fail.
A friend recently shared a story about her aunt and uncle that I found really frustrating. After 25 years of marriage and two kids, she is divorcing him in the wake of him losing his job. I’m sure there are some other circumstances that go into it, but my friend basically said her aunt is jumping ship just because the waters have gotten a little rough in their relationship. How horrible is that? Cruise along for 25 years enjoying the benefits of a spouse’s income and high-status and as soon as that deteriorates a little bit they jump ship. I find a lack of loyalty like that to be horribly unattractive.
Anyway, since this was frustrating me today, I did what you always have to do when something is bothering you: think about it enough that you reach a point of understanding and acceptance so you can move past it.
What I realized is something about the nature of gods (I’m defining “god” as anyone who is worshipped). Whether it’s Jesus or Barack Obama, they all seem to have at least one thing in common: they don’t let this behavior of people that I’ve described bother them or deter them from sharing themselves with the world. In other words, gods never take the insecurities of others personally or allow it to drag them down. And most importantly, they don’t let it stop them from sharing their awesomeness with that person in hopes that they will eventually start having higher thoughts of themselves. This is why they wind up being worshipped. People nail them to the cross literally and figuratively and rather than bite back, they take it on the chin. When someone gets kicked and dragged through the mud by people but gets back on their feet and continues sharing their awesomeness with the world, they eventually start to be worshipped.
Basically I think the results-oriented “I told ya so’s” that people do are a testing mechanism. They want to see what you’re made of. Can they bring you down with their bullshit or will you stay on your feet and keep striving for success even after a failure? There are plenty in the world who are rooting for you to fail and give up just like they have. I say you don’t let them have that satisfaction.
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Great post Cory. LexLuther.
Told ya so.