This is Messed Up
If you didn’t hear, Lil Wayne started serving a one year prison term today for being near a gun. That’s not hyperbole, either. It seems he really did nothing wrong except be in the vicinity of a legally registered gun (that wasn’t even registered to him!) New York is one messed up state. I mean, most states are messed up, so I don’t mean to single out New York from a general standpoint, but in this case they’re enforcing a very stupid law that is causing one of the best artists alive (and one of my personal favorites) to be locked away for a year.
You might think because of his image that Lil Wayne is some type of violent offender who probably deserved this anyway, but it seems that couldn’t be further from the truth. His only arrests in addition to this gun “possession” were a couple of drug possession charges. Basically this guy has no record in terms of violent offenses and is going away for a year for standing near a gun that wasn’t even his! Wow! Thanks New York!
Keep in mind this is the same state that sent New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress to prison for two years for possessing a gun in a nightclub. Granted, it’s hard to feel as bad for Plax as you might for Lil Wayne since he was stupid enough to let the gun go off, but it shows that Lil Wayne’s case is not the only example of highly unreasonable gun laws affecting people in New York. One year in prison for possession (even though it wasn’t really possession!) with no intent to use is ridiculous. This should have been a fine or at worst a month in jail.
I’ll end this post with my favorite Lil Wayne tune as of late. I just picked up this full album on iTunes as a show of support. It’s a rock album called Rebirth that’s worth checking out if you’ve always avoided Lil Wayne’s music on account of the fact that it’s hip-hop.
Aggressive Atheism
In the past couple of years I’ve noticed a growing popularity in this brand of “aggressive” atheism. This first came to my attention in the holiday season of 2008 when I saw an article about atheist billboards being put up for the holidays in Colorado. In that case, a group of pioneer atheists decided they needed to put it in everyone’s face over the holiday season how stupid it is to believe in God. I shook my head at their foolishness thinking how amazing it is that these “brilliant,” “enlightened” atheists could be so stupid to think that their tactics will actually influence people towards their side of the belief spectrum.
To my disappointment, “aggressive” atheism seems to be getting worse. Much worse. I just saw a news story about a group called ‘Atheist Agenda’ giving away porn in exchange for Bibles in a campaign they’re calling “Smut for Smut”.
Take a moment to consider how unbelievably stupid that is.
Dear “aggressive atheists” of the world, here’s what’s wrong with your approach: it is accomplishing the stone-cold opposite of what you want it to. So you don’t believe in God. Good for you! What a savvy intellectual you are for discarding the idea of a God on the basis that 2,000 year old unverifiable religious text is insufficient ground on which to base a belief. Honestly, what brilliant little thinkers you all are! I’d like to take a moment to applaud your brilliance!
*Applause!!*
Alright, now that that’s over, let’s sit down and have a little talk. It seems apparent to me that you think religious beliefs are detrimental to the happiness and peace of humanity. Perhaps you have a point. In fact, let’s say that you’re 100% correct. Let’s assume that religious beliefs do indeed facilitate war, conflict, poverty, and the self-loathing tendencies of man. I might suggest that it’s the egg that came before the chicken, that religion is a coping mechanism that comes after the war, fear and self-loathing thoughts, but let’s not get stuck on that point. Let’s say that you’re 100% correct. Let’s say that religion is bad for humanity. I can understand how it could be easy for you to think that. We did just have a President invade a country that probably shouldn’t have been invaded on the grounds that “God told him to do it”. So you’re mad at God. Fine, I get that.
Here’s where you’re screwing up: if you want people to consider the possibility that their religious beliefs are not unlike that of a child believing in Santa, you can’t scare them off by running campaigns to distribute porn in exchange for Bibles! Do you realize how horrifying that is to people? Take ten steps backwards and look at what you’re doing: you’re saying “hi, I’m an atheist, and I believe your precious holy book is on the same level as pornography.”
How does that not make a record screech to a halt in your mind? In the minds of the people you most desire to influence (believers), you are anchoring your doctrine (atheism) as a belief system that leads to people doing things like distributing pornography in exchange for Bibles. Do you really think that’s influencing anyone to your side? I can assure you it absolutely isn’t. But here’s what it is doing. It’s giving Ma and Pa Believer a fantastic excuse to climb even further down the rabbit hole of their beliefs. Just when they thought it might be safe to peek their head above the surface, what did they see? They saw an angry group of atheists passing out porn to anyone who gives up their Bible.
You people are setting back your own kind.
I understand that you’re angry at God. And I know why you do things like put up billboards on Christmas and exchange porn for Bibles: you do it because you’re angry and you need a way to release that anger. But the problem with your tactics is that they are selfish. You are catering only to your own needs and it’s bringing down humanity as a whole in the process. What you’re doing is in no way unlike what the religious do when they put up billboards that promote their beliefs or go around handing out Bibles. And if it angers you so much when they do those things, why are you practicing the same activities yourselves?
So ask yourself, aggressive atheist, what is it that you really want? Do you want to wallow in self-pity for the “lies” you perceive to have been told about God your whole life or do you want to rise above the petty God vs. No God argument, an argument that, no matter which side you’re on, is bringing down humanity and keeping us from living together peacefully?
If you want to wallow in self-pity, keep passing out porn and putting up billboards. Just don’t be surprised when church attendance increases in the process.
For the rest of you who might be able to conceive where I’m coming from and realize how utterly selfish and counterproductive you’re being and wish to change that, here’s what you do: relax. Forgive. Try a little compassion for a change. Realize that people believe in religion because they’re scared and it brings them comfort. If you really want to be a force for good for humanity, accept this with an open and understanding mind. It is only when you do this that healing the world becomes possible.
Rockets Game Skit
I was in a skit during halftime of the San Antonio Spurs vs. Houston Rockets game this past weekend. I hope it’s not ruining too many Santa-esque beliefs out there to say that the skit was staged. The skit was a dance competition where the winner received an autographed team basketball. My role was to play the hated Spurs fan with inferior dance moves (think: Carlton off of Fresh Prince). I definitely had the easiest part of the four of us. It’s not hard to dance like an idiot and incite boos from 18,000 fans when you’re wearing the away team’s jersey! This isn’t the first skit I’ve done at a Rockets game. The other one also involved wearing the road team’s jersey and getting booed. It’s actually sort of an awesome feeling being booed by that many people. I mean, it would obviously suck if I was doing something where I didn’t want them to boo, but when the whole objective is for them to boo, it’s pretty sweet and easy to get into it. All four of us did a perfect job in terms of getting the desired crowd response. A few Rockets personnel said they thought it was the best halftime skit they’ve had this season. Sweet!
By the way, Nat Arem posted an article by Bill Simmons called A Fan-Friendly Solution to Fix the NBA on Facebook. It’s an absolute must-read for any serious fan of the NBA. His Entertaining as Hell tournament idea is brilliant.
One final thing: my friend Paul (the guy in the suit from the skit) thinks he’s the greatest sports-bettor in the world. Maybe he is and maybe he isn’t, but I’ve set out on a mission to find out. I made a bet with Paul for a considerable amount of money that he cannot pick 55 (or more) games correctly out of 100 within a year. All of his picks have to be of the -110 vs. -110 variety. In other words, he can’t just take the moneyline on heavy favorites because of course that wouldn’t be fair. I started a site called Paulie B’s 9 Star Locks to track his 100 picks. The site is nothing special, just a spreadsheet basically, but it’s there for anyone to follow along and bet along with Paul or even against him. Granted, 100 picks isn’t a huge sample size by any means, but should give a vague indication whether or not Paul is a savvy sports-bettor. At the time I write this, if you had bet every game the opposite of what his pick was so far, you’d be up money!
Vegas Should Have a Warning Label
Here’s what drives me nuts about Las Vegas: even when you have an awful trip and get killed, you still can’t wait to go back. That’s how fun it is. I mean, even when you lose you and your friends still wind up talking about how fun it was and how you can’t wait to do it again. When you actually win and even win big? Forget it. You’ll be having serious discussions with your closest friends for the next several weeks hatching some grand scheme to move out there. You’ll be saying things like how, “it just makes sense to do it at this point in our lives while we’re still young and don’t have many responsibilities,” and, “if we don’t take this chance now, we might always wish we had when we’re older.”
It’s such a sick city like that because no matter what happens they’ve got you hooked and you’ll want to be coming back.
This trip was just disastrous in every way imaginable for me on the gambling front. I mean, we’re talking 99th percentile in terms of statistical “run bad”. I may never have a trip like this again from just a sheer “odds going against me” standpoint. I lost everything. I mean everything. Overpairs vs. underpairs in poker for a $5k NAPT seat. Got rivered. Doubling down on 11s, I musta been 0/14 on catching a Ten. Sports bets? Forget it. Anyone who had taken the other side of my sports calls and put triple their normal bet on it would be clinking together glasses of champagne on a yacht right now and having a hearty laugh with their friends off the coast of Monte Carlo. I mean it was that bad but of course I’ll still go back in a couple months.
On our last night there, we were at this place on the 58th floor of the Palms that is like a hybrid between a nightclub and a casino. They’ve got blackjack tables and a roulette wheel so if you want to gamble and skip all of the dancing and socializing, you can. After three nights straight of going out to fancy-shmancy places, all I really wanted to do was sit down at a blackjack table and leave the dancing to the new arrivals.
My friends were pretty much feeling the same way, so they joined in. One friend, I’ll call him Terry since I don’t know how he’d feel about his business being aired on the Internet for everyone to read, had won a ton of money playing slots of all things. I mean, everyone knows that there are plenty of sucker bets in Vegas, but slots are the sucker bets of the sucker bets. Even the three card poker players view the slot machine players as total suckers. But Terry likes to overlook this fact and sit down at the slots thereby making all of his friends uncomfortable since playing slots is a very chick thing to do. How does Terry do at the 15% house-edge slots? Kills them, of course. So while Greg (another fake name) and I are getting killed at things we’re good at (poker) and things that don’t have thaaat bad of a house edge (blackjack), Terry is absolutely mutilating the slot machines to the tune of a couple thousand.
And it’s not like he hit some big jackpot either. He was just spiking $100-$200 scores on the slots all day like that type of thing just happens normally.
So we’re up there and Greg and I are just getting killed. Absolutely killed. I finally catch a good card. I hit a 13 against a 10 and spike the perfect 8. Sweet! I am finally going to win a hand. Before the dealer showed their down-card, I said, “if I don’t win this one and somehow push, I’m done. I’m out of here.” Dealer’s down-card is a 2, draw card is, you guessed it… 9.
I grab my chips and leap up out my seat. “Nyet! I’m outta here. I’m going back downstairs. Screw this place.”
After I walk away, Greg tells Terry that he should play the next hand that I would have been dealt if I hadn’t left. He was like, “listen, I know you don’t like blackjack, but you’re basically the luckiest guy in the city right now. You need to put $100 on the next hand that Cory was going to be dealt. You’re a guaranteed winner.” Terry complies and of course gets a blackjack.
Near the very end of the night, we wind up at a blackjack table downstairs where there is this Asian male dealer. At this point, I was totally down to the felt. Whatever money I could lose on this trip was pretty much already gone. I had maybe a couple of bets left in me before it was time to take that long, painful walk to the elevator with nothing but your room key in your pocket.
At some point we learned that the Palms blackjack tables allow surrendering. If you don’t know what that means, don’t sweat it too much; it’s basically just a nice alternative to hitting or standing that can save you half your bet when you have a really bad hand.
So I get dealt a 16 against a 10 which is pretty much the worst statistical scenario you can find yourself in at a blackjack table. I motion to the guy that I want to surrender my bet. Now this is how cold I was running… I had already lost so much hand over fist that it had gone from being frustrating to just being funny. So I motion surrender and the dealer looks at me, swear to God, and says, “why?”
Pause… pause…
I look around in disbelief with my arms in the air and just say to him, “I dunno man!!…. CAUSE I SAID SO!! Since when is that not good enough?!” My friends and I just lose it. Even he started laughing. I mean… I was running so cold that I couldn’t even get the dealer to just do what I wanted him to without having him drag me over the coals about it! What makes it especially startling is that surrendering is what you should do in that situation from an optimal-strategy standpoint! I mean… really?!?! What do you mean, “why?” For one, because you’re supposed to, but more importantly, why on God’s green earth are you asking me? Just deal the card!!
The whole thing was a pretty good laugh. It truly did feel like something out of a movie where there was a moment where you couldn’t even believe what was happening. He turned out to be really cool and ironically reminded me that surrendering was an option when I was later put in the same 16 vs. 10 scenario on the biggest bet I made of the night (it’s easy to forget that surrendering is allowed since it usually almost never is). That was a moment I’ll never forget. I’ve played thousands and thousands of hands of blackjack before but never once has a dealer just looked at me and said, “why?” after I declared my decision.
Vegas is such a terrible place. Think about it… where else in the world can you visit, have the worst luck imaginable all trip, and on the flight home agree wholeheartedly when your friend says, “we should go back in April!”
Note: I didn’t really want to write much about poker in this entry since I already did so in an article on PokerTips.
